Well school has been in session almost a month and I must say it has been one wild ride thus far! Not a full two days had past since last posting did God answer prayer. I received an email stating I had received the scholarship! The following days, were full of frantically fitting the next nine months of my life in two duffle bags, saying the last farwells to friends, jumping on a plane just in time for SLS Retreat. And the rest is history.
Over the last few weeks God has teaching me a few things. Where to start?
1. My God will provide (Matt 6)
Upon receiving the scholarship to return to school, my next question was: how am I going to survive? I have enough money for rent and tuition for the next 9 months, but what about that small little detail that has to do with putting fuel (food) in the engine (my stomach), 'cause the engine can't run on empty. God too has show exceeding kindness towards me in providing me with a cash job (4-6 hours a week) in the cafeteria. Now this is definitely NOT what I want to do for the rest of my life, and it took a certain amount of humbling to swallow my pride and take the job. Well in the act of taking the job God blessed me in ways I never thought. Not only did He provide an enjoyable work environment that was easy and short, he also provided for my physical needs as well. And for a college student who doesn't really have the time to plan out meals and cook every day this too came to be a blessing in disguise. And I get paid, so whatever money I make gets put aside for weekly breakfast and lunch groceries along with other possible expenses that might come up and God has indeed blessed me exceedlingly.
2. His grace is sufficient
Coming into the semester, I was absolutely terrified. It was the first time in my entire life that I was dreading the first day of school. Taking 15 units a semester is a good size load on it's own, but then add to the mix working 24-26 hours a week, and Leadership duties ontop of that would make any person attending Master's want to run screaming in the opposite direction. The coursework being much more demanding than your average community college or even private college makes anyone queasy. It was one I was actually dreading, wondering if I had bitten off more than I could chew.
However, even in times like this God has been exceeding kind towards me. Although Mondays consist of 12 hours days (8-9 class; 9-10:30 chapel; 10:30-1 class; 1-5 work study; 5:30-8 cash job 8p-whenever I get my homework done); it has been God's consistent faithfulness and strength that get me through, moment by moment of every day. God has really been working in my heart and mind, daily reminding me that I dare not do anything in my own strength and commiting my heart to rely on Him and Him alone and not even take the glory for my own. For it is by the exceeding outpouring of His grace that I am able to do as much as I am and not get burnt out. Every day is a conscience release of my pride and self dependence and a consistent admission that I am unable to do anything on my own. God continues to remind me of my own frailty and physical limits, that without him I would die from how intense this schedule is. But through this, He has given me a better idea of what it means to be humble. It is the act of recognizing where you stand before God, surrendering your pride and understanding that you are weak, blind, and deaf before a holy and perfect God. I could explain it further but I'll save that for another day.
3. Taste and see that the Lord our God is good
Through all of this, my God has become every sweet to my lips, ever closer to my heart. Not a day goes by without a reminder of just how desperately I need Him and how vast His lovingkindness and grace for me is. One of my heart verses for the last couple of years has been one from Psalm 34:8:
"O taste and see that the Lord is good; How blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him!"
Pride is one of humanities biggest downfalls and it is something that each of us struggle with each and every day. The laying aside of pride and remembering our stance before a holy God. Pride will flee, we must fight! The victory is ours! Christ has already won!! "You will not be tempted beyond what you are able" I Cor 10;13. Know that His love is ever sweeter than honey and ever better than we could possibly imagine. We must leave our pride at the cross and follow this great and amazing God!! Who has bigger and better plans than we could possibly imagine. Be encouraged, take heart! Our God is good, His lovingkindness endures forever, he is our help and our stronghold (Psalm 19; 34). This is our God and we are His people!
